Depressed!

This whole week has been terrible!I feel like just screaming and say what the hell do I look like to you?A pure dummy where you can just slam me!?Fine,Just do it!I feel like I am not needed anymore by anyone!God,where are you in the most toughest time in my life?How many times have I called you,and yet no answers.God help me to know that you are walking with me!I am just so scared and sad,I feel like there is no one that there is no one gonna catch me when I fall or when I cry.Why must this happen when it is nearing my birthday?Why must  it always be the same as every year?I just wanna be like those old times where you just don't care what happens and everything just happens perfectly!When I go back to Ipoh,Something on other will just happen!Damn!I don't want my birthday to be a bad one again!the best was What,3 years back?!?!Come'on I am already turning 16!I want this birthday to be Awesome!everyone is having fun on their birthday except for me!How frigging miserable is that?!?I really need to talk to my friend NOW,but I have no idea how am i gonna talk to hi,if i talk to him over the phone,I will just cry but if i talk to him on9,I can cry and not malukan my self!What the hell la,wvery year also my birthday never turns out fine!I have never enjoyed my birthday!I want this year to be diferent! I want to go back to Ipoh!I wanna celebrate christmas with my cousins there!I hate this whole thing la!Why can't my grandpa come after christmas?it feels like the devil is coming on between!too bad!I really need him now!:'(
What am I suppose to do in the mean time?Bottle  up my feelings?Damn!I am feeling so depressed!I can cry right now,but since my sister is in the room,i don't think I can!Sigh~